Main Waisa Nahi Raha Jaisa Pehle Tha

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Main Waisa Nahi Raha Jaisa Pehle Tha

— Unfiltered Emotions by Dr. Prashant Sarothiya
Sometimes, I just sit in silence and wonder — what happened to me? I was not like this. I used to be more alive, more expressive… more me. Life was simple back then — no filters, no fears, no fake smiles. Bas jo tha, wahi dikhta tha.

Ab har chehra pe mask hai, har feeling pe control. Khush bhi hote hain to bas dikhane ke liye. Dil se mehsoos kab kiya tha — yaad bhi nahi.

I remember a time when I used to laugh freely, cry openly, and trust without thinking twice. Aaj sab kuch calculate karna padta hai — emotions bhi. Kya bolna hai, kis se bolna hai, kab bolna hai… aur kab chup rehna hai. Pehle dil decisions leta tha, ab sirf dimaag kaam karta hai.

Shayad life ne sikha diya hai kaise strong banna hai, kaise ignore karna hai, kaise smile karke sab kuch normal dikhana hai — even when nothing feels normal inside. But the truth is, in becoming “strong,” I’ve lost a softer version of myself. Woh version jo har chhoti baat mein khush ho jaata tha. Jo raat ke 2 baje tak sirf sapne dekhta tha — bina kisi dar ke.

Aaj sapne bhi darate hain. Har naye rishtay mein ek fear chhupa hota hai. Har muskaan ke peeche ek story hoti hai jo kisi ko batane ka mann nahi karta. Aur kabhi kabhi toh apne aap se bhi baat nahi hoti.

Log kehte hain, change is a part of life. Main bhi maanta hoon. But this change, yeh jo andar hi andar khud se door le gaya hai… it hurts. I miss myself. The version of me that didn’t need validation. The one who felt everything — deeply, unapologetically.

Kabhi kabhi koi gaana sun ke, ya koi purani diary padh ke, ya kisi jagah jaake lagta hai — yaar, main toh pehle kuch aur hi tha. And in that one moment, I realize… I haven’t completely lost myself. Woh pehle wala main kahin andar chhupa hua hai — thoda thaka hua, thoda chup sa, but zinda hai.

Maybe we all go through this. Maybe you’re going through it too. Maybe, like me, you also whisper to yourself at night — “Main waisa nahi raha jaisa pehle tha.”

But maybe, that’s okay.
Because even if we’ve changed... somewhere inside, the real us still exists — waiting to be felt again.

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